I had waited a very long time to get pregnant again. After the scary experience of Scout's birth and the leftover effects on my heart it was a hard decision. But I was determined to be a mommy one more time.
The day after I actually got pregnant...way before I would be able to actual get a positive pregnancy test...Chad and I were at lunch and after I took a bite of food I made a face. I guess it was a familar face because Chad said, "You're pregnant. I've seen that look before." I laughed and thought he was crazy. A few weeks later a digital pregnancy test said Pregnant and I sat down and cried. I cried for joy, fear, happiness, excitement and most of all I cried because I knew that my wish had finally come true.
I suck at being pregnant. There is no other way to put it. My blood pressure went up, I swelled, I was put on bed rest at 22 weeks...but every moment was worth it. I was actually not too bad at bed rest this time around because I was prepared. I had incredible doctors. Dr. Joy Murphy was my OB, Dr. Mike Hadju my cardiologist. I also saw high risk OB's in KC and had bi-weekly NST's and sonos and monthly echocardiograms. I was sick but I was OK.
On Friday we did an amnio to check for lung maturity. On Monday morning we woke up bright and early to head to the hospital for a planned c-section. Chad, Scout and I stopped for a moment before leaving the house to have one last moment as a family of 3. We were all so excited but it was also a bit sad to be leaving behind the only family life we had known. At the hospital I was plugged into machines, got the IV started and everything was pretty relaxed. My parents came and we took pictures. Scout and I snuggled together in the bed and I whispered the story of her birth to her. I held her in my arms and told her how much I loved her and how that would never change. I thanked her for choosing me to be her mommy and for adding so much to my life.
Eventually it was time and we all headed down the hall together toward the operation room. I gave my parents a last squeeze and Scout one last only child hug and kiss and headed into the room.
I was given a spinal and my blood pressure actually dropped too low! That was a feeling I had never experienced. Chad came in and the doctors started to get ready. It seemed like only a matter of minutes before they started to perform the c-section. And only a few more seconds later my little guy came into the world. At 8:32 a.m. He gave a little squeak. Not really a cry. They brought him around the curtain for me to see him but between the blankets and my tears it was hard to really get a good look.
Once he was on the warming table he started to pink up and then he let out his first wail. It was a beautiful sound. I could crane my neck just enough to get a good view and man, he was amazing. He was covered with hair! He was a little dink of a guy weighing in at 6 lbs 13 oz and 18 inches long. He had 10 fingers and 10 toes. He was gorgeous. He was mine.
Chad went with him for the check up while I headed to recovery. Actually I had a few more minutes in the OR to get my tube tied (long story but because of a previous surgery I only had one tube...which make it even more of a miracle that I got pregnant at all.) I think my doc triple knotted that sucker because no WAY she was going to let me get pregnant again. It seemed like forever before someone finally came in to tell me that Truman was experiencing some breathing issues so they were keeping him in the nursery to get him stable. I was a little freaked out but everyone assured me that it was normal, especially for a c-section baby that never had any squeezing from contractions.
Eventually they brought him into me and I got to hold him for the first time. When you look into the face of your newborn child for the first time it is honestly like no other experience you could ever have. There are no words to explain the feeling. This person that you have grown inside of you, who you have been protecting for 9 months, who you have loved before you even met is now in your arms and forever a part of your soul.
We shared a few moments just us and then I was taken back to my room and we let Scout come in to meet her new brother. She had seen him through the window of the nursery but she was ready to get her hands on him. When Scout held him for the first time she cried. She cried and told me through the tears that she was so happy. Seeing my daughter hold my son was a moment that I could never imagine or forget. It was magic.
Truman continued to have some breathing issues so he was in and out of the room that night. We had plenty of visitors as I am sure you can imagine. The grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends...everyone was so ready to finally meet the newest member of the family. Everyone commented on his beauty, he eyelashes and his HAIR. The child had a head full of dark black hair.
From the beginning Truman stole my heart. There is just something about him. I have people tell me all the time...family, doctors and nurses, friends, random people on the street...that he has just "something" about him that is impossible to resist. When he looks at you he really looks at you. He sees you.
The past year has been full of ups and downs. We are still on a long journey to discover everything that makes Truman tick. But with everything...it has been the best year of my life. I am complete. The piece of me that was missing has been found. I am so lucky. My son is a miracle and every day I am reminded how blessed I am to have him in my life.
Tomorrow I will celebrate his first birthday. We have presents and monky cupcakes and family galore coming over...but for a moment at 8:32 a.m. I will hold him close to my heart and whisper in his ear the story of his birth. I will tell him how much I love him and how that will never change. I will thank him for choosing me to be his mommy and for adding so much to my life. And I will look foward with hope and excitement for what the future holds.