Ren Fest 2010

We took Truman, Scout and Scout’s friend Amber to the Renaissance Festival this year.  I haven’t been since I was in high school so I was a little worried that it wouldn’t be as fun as I remembered.  I was very wrong!  The kids had a blast.  They were the perfect age to really enjoy all of the activities.  Truman had a blast people watching and checking out all of the fun shows.

This was the look on his face pretty much the whole day.  He just laughed at all the crazy people!

What a fun day!  The people are CRAZY but in a fun, harmless way.  I even tried to participate in one of the shows by being hypnotized…didn’t work!  I was up there giving it my all but it was a bunch of hooey.  The kids got a kick out of seeing me on the stage until finally I got tired of hanging there in the uncomfortable seat and stood up and walked off the stage.  I don’t think the hypnotist was too thrilled with my departure.

We will definitely go back next year.  Scout is already planning our trip!

Weeke’s Family Visit

Our good friends from Wisconsin came for a visit over Labor Day Weekend.  Yes…I do realize that was almost 2 months ago.  But I am just now dumping the photos from my camera.  So I found these and had to share!

John, Andy and Chad on my parent’s porch.  John and Chad met when they were in the Madison Scout’s Drum and Bugle Corps and have maintained a strong friendship through the years.  My brother met John when he was in our wedding and they immediately clicked.  These guys are so fun together.

 

Michael, Cristin and Truman.  Cristin. John’s wife, is an amazing lady and we just love her to death.  Their son Michael is two weeks younger than Truman!  He was supposed to be several months younger but he decided to come super early so he and Tru could share a birthday month.  I can’t wait to watch these two boys grow up together and become the best of friends like John and Chad.

Michael showing off his cymbal skills to impress Chad.  Chad was a cymbal player in the Scouts so of course we have a pair. 

John is Truman’s Godfather and we are so blessed that he agreed to play this role in our son’s life.  John is an incredible man and I know he will be a great role model for our little guy.

We had such a fun weekend.  I hate that we live so far away from each other.  They are the only reason I would visit Madison in the winter!  Hopefully we will have a chance to see them again soon.  Miss you guys!

Random Things I Love…

Sometimes life throws you for a loop.  Sometimes it seems like it would be easier to just hide under the covers and pretend that the world has stopped moving.  Sometimes it is hard to remember why to keep fighting.  Of course my family and friends make that easier.  A silly dance by Scout or a grin from Truman can turn the whole day around.  But sometimes you just need to remember the little things that make life great.  The random things that you love and make you happy…

Here are a few of mine.

Flannel sheets

The smell of a bonfire

Candy corn

Gilmore Girls

The moment the lights go down before a performance

New underwear

The song “Shoop”

Feeling chilly after a day in the sun

Peanut butter fudge ice cream

Watching someone open a gift you have given

Sitting on my parent’s porch

A perfect avocado

Books by Herman Wouk

Weeping Willows

Sand between my toes

Believing in Santa

Getting a card in the mail

School supplies

Coffee with dessert at a fancy restaurant

Singing at the top of your lungs…with the windows rolled DOWN

There are many more and I could go on and on.  And that is a good thing.  It is a great thing.  Life can throw a lot of garbage in your path but these random things are worth it all.  I know it might sound cheesy but it helps. 

So…your turn!  Share some of the random things you love!

It doesn’t make sense…

I found out last night that a friend of mine had passed away.  He was only 30 years old. 

We were not incredibly close.  In fact we saw each other only on occasion.  We met a few years ago when I was working at the Chamber.  He was a business owner and a member.  I had the opportunity to work with him on a couple of events and we had a few really great conversations.  He was the type of guy who could immediately make anyone feel comfortable.  He was full of ideas and was committed to our community.  I was so impressed that someone so young was already so successful.  He didn’t take himself too seriously though.  We joked about being the next generation of leaders and how to take Lawrence by storm.  And he had a great smile. 

So although we weren’t close, I am overwhelmingly saddened by his passing…in a way that I can’t really explain.

I keep experiencing waves of emotion.  I cannot stop thinking about his wife and what she must be going through.  I picture trying to explain to his 2 year old son that Daddy is gone.  I try to imagine how it is possible that we will not run into each other at an event sometime in the future and catch up with everything that has been going on in our lives.  I don’t know how his parents can breathe or his friends that were with him can function…because this isn’t supposed to happen. 

This isn’t supposed to happen.  A healthy, young, vibrant man with a beautiful family and a wide open future should not have been taken so soon.  It doesn’t make sense.  It is not possible to process.  He wasn’t fighting a long illness or involved an a tragic accident.  What happened was tragic, of course, but this was different…one minute he was here and the next he wasn’t.  And from what I understand he was alone when it happened.  Was he scared?  Did he know what was going on? 

I consider myself a religious person.  I am not a study the bible, go to church every week no matter what, pray at dinner type of Christian--but I do believe.  In fact I have spent more time in prayer during the last couple of years than I have pretty much my entire life.  But his death shakes that core.  Because how does religion explain this man taken before it was time?  I know the standard answers and to be honest—none of them are good enough.

When things like this occur it is natural to want to pull those you love close and thank God that everyone is safe and sound.  It is also natural to be in awe of the complete unknowns that life holds for each one of us.  Maybe awe isn’t the right word.  Fear plays a big role too.  How do we deal with dropping our child off at daycare or sending our family down the road on a trip? 

There are no answers.  There are no words even.  It just doesn’t make sense.

The world was a better place because Gavin was in it and I was lucky to have known him.         

Don’t Cry for Me Argentina…

The other major update about Truman and one that I still don’t know how I feel about came from the eye doctor.  We took Truman in to make sure his vision was OK.  Sometimes balance issues and other delays can be caused by poor vision.  We also realized over a year ago that Tru didn’t cry tears.  He is a happy dude and doesn’t really fuss much anyway but when he did there was never a tear.  His eyes watered when he coughed or had crap coming out of his nose but he never had that big tear slide down his face that makes us all giggle.

The good news was that Truman has perfect vision.

The bad news is that the doctor is 99% sure that he was born without the “response tear gland.” 

Apparently there is a gland above your eye that fills with tears that come from an emotional response.  The gland as it fills has overflow that comes out of the eye and we call tears.  He told us that 2-4% of the population is born without the gland.

He told me that Truman will never cry tears.

Truman will not cry at a sappy movie, on his wedding day or when his child is born. He will never laugh so hard that he cries or put on a show of tears to get away with something.  He won’t cry when someone he loves passes away or breaks his heart.  He will never know how cleansing it can be to just let it all go and sob.  He will never experience the salty taste when his lips are coated with tears during a moment of pure sadness or joy.

I don’t know why this one has been so hard on me.  Maybe because it is so real.  So permanent. 

Because we don’t have a final diagnosis at this point I still can imagine that he is going to “grow out of it.”  It is still very possible that Truman will eventually catch up or at least get close and we will all breathe big sigh of relief.  Part of that is the assumption that he will grown to get married or have a child, have his heart broken and laugh uncontrollably.   But the truth is…we don’t know if that will happen.  At this point so much is unknown so it is much easier to imagine a “normal” life than anything else.

But this was a “never” moment.  And all of it really crashed down for a bit.  It still really hasn’t sunk in.  And I know it sounds a bit crazy to get so upset over such a relatively small thing.  But I come from a family of criers.  We cry at everything.  Dog food commercials, sappy songs, beautiful sunsets, funny stories…we are big with the tears.  I can’t watch Extreme Home Makeover because I literally boo-hoo from beginning to end. 

Will people think he is hard hearted or soulless when they realize they have never seen him cry?  I know it is sexist but I guess it is better that he is a boy since big boys don’t cry and all that crap.  (Don’t tell my Dad that…he is worse than all of us put together!)

Tears are a big deal.  Having to face a big reality is bigger.  Hiding in my closet so I don’t have to deal?  Possible.   

Medical Stuff

After a few weeks Truman is now doing so much better since he had his tonsils and adenoids removed.  It really is incredible to realize just how bad his breathing had become when compared to now.  He doesn’t snore anymore!  I used to be able to listen to him snore through the baby monitor and know that everything was OK.  Now I have to check on him all the time just to make sure!

That is the good part.

The bad part is that he is continuing to have issues with swallowing.  The issue actually goes back to birth.  He struggled as a newborn with nasal reflux.  Basically he would have milk or spit up come out his nose.  His eyes also watered and his nose was always stuffy and he got a lot of infections.  We had a swallow study done and the doctors thought that it was a muscle tone issue.  (See all the other medical posts to learn how much I love hearing THAT as a reason once again!)  Basically they thought that he wasn’t strong enough to swallow everything all the way down to his stomach so some would squeeze back up and come out his nose.  So we started thickening his formula to help weigh it down and make it easier for him to keep it down.  And it worked!

As time went on we slowly decreased the amount of thickening he needed and eventually he stopped needing anything at all.  He did continue to have infections and suddenly his tonsils & adenoids were huge.  So off we go to remove them to make him better.

After his tonsils and adenoids were removed he suddenly started having stuff come out his nose again.  I was trying to feed him some ice cream a few days after his surgery and suddenly two lines of chocolate ice cream started pouring out of his nose.  Freaked out I called the ENT who reassured me and said that it can happen because the soft palette can get stiff after the surgery and to give it a couple of weeks.

Typical doctor—if HE had food coming out of his nose when he ate would he wait a couple of weeks?  I don’t think so.

So we waited.  And waited.  And while it has gotten much better he is still having some problems. 

Adding to the concern we started to recognize that he had lost his consonants since the surgery.  He suddenly wasn’t saying Dada or Baba or any hard consonant any more.  He has all of the vowels the softer front of the mouth consonants but that was it. 

So we called in the Speech Therapist.  She was immediately concerned and I could tell very confused.  She has recommended going back in for another swallow study.  Apparently there is also a nerve that can be hit during this type of surgery that can cause speech issues.  Great. 

We are headed to his neurology follow up tomorrow.  The hope was that he would be walking by this follow up appointment so we could remove the possibility of a few neurologic issues that we still haven’t been able to dismiss.  No such luck.  He is close.  At least everyone tells me that.  He seems like he is ready to go but as soon as he feels the lack of support he immediately crumbles.  Part of me thinks it is confidence.  He is just scared to let go.  (Sound familiar Mommies?)  The other part of me thinks it is a balance issue.

Because he isn’t walking he is officially “delayed” now at almost 19 months.  That delay with the additional small motor skill delays and speech issues all add up to another trip to Genetics and scheduling an MRI to check out his beautiful brain.  Something about grey matter and white matter and what’s the matter. 

My little medical weirdo is happier than ever.  He has also recently discovered how to fight back against his sister or anyone who wants him to do something he isn’t interested in doing.  Trust me, when he whacks you across the face there are  no low muscle tone issues there!  He loves to clean up and then make a mess right away.  And the boy can EAT!  He puts it away.  I swear that he should weigh 40 pounds by now by the way he eats.  And he loves to try new foods.  He really likes to be outside and this cooler weather has helped give him the opportunity to be out much more.  Add a bath and the kid is over the moon.

The saga continues but I am much more calm.  I think.  I sound like I am calmer, right?  Right. 

I Suck

Why can’t I just buckle down and write?

I need to get over myself.  Plain and simple.

I know that I have a billion things going on and that everything seems to happen at once…but is that really an excuse?  Nope. I think the real issue is that I need to get over myself again.  I started this blog as a release and then people started to really read it.  It made me happy that people enjoyed it but then I got nervous.  What if I wrote something that upset someone?  What if someone found out something about me that they thought was horrible?  What if…

The old “perfect” gene kicked in and I started watching myself.  I would sit down to write and unless I could come up with something that was completely readable by the masses I would give up and check Facebook. 

Recent events have re-energized my need to write and my lack of concern about who gives a damn.

So life unplugged here we go.